As March drew to a close, I was thrilled to build off the momentum from the month and catapult myself into the possibilities of April. March was a time where I had felt myself progressing forward and building a firm foundation I could rely on. And I wanted so badly to continue in the same vein – not even to do more and better, but to continue at the same pace. It was a good pace for me at the moment.
Sure enough, before the month was over, I had blog post ideas lined up and ready to be written, illustrations eager to come to life, and Instagram photos queued up to be prettied and posted. My theme for April stood behind the curtains, waiting for them to be drawn open…
“Metamorphosis” was supposed to be my theme, because I was beginning to feel a transition. The more I practiced writing and drawing, the more I started to grow and improve. I want to maintain this growth and embrace the changes that have presented themselves to Wondershins. However, Life took the steering wheel when I got distracted by some lovely sight, and April came and went without me realizing it.
Rather than doing all the things I planned for Wondershins, my April became a month filled with family and spending time with people dear to me:
Cozy coastal getaways and frivolous arcade outings were involved.
Hot pot indulgences, bowling sessions, and craft / dance parties ensued.
Face masks with my sister, animated movies with my niece, and quiet hikes with my boyfriend…
A treasure trove of delights to warm my memories for years to come.
Despite my many excursions, I wasn’t idle in the realm of imagination. Yet for some reason, my heart felt inspired but my body was not yielding. My mind was whirring with ideas, and I couldn’t bring myself to get started. I dragged my feet, coming up with other things to do as an excuse to not do the things I wanted to do but couldn’t do.
I didn’t understand. Why did I feel so obligated to do things that bring me joy? Drawing, painting, blogging, designing…it was all there for me to unfold and escape into, but it felt like I was walking headfirst into a stone wall.
I truly felt like a failure for not utilizing the free time that I had. After moping around for a day, I realized that what I needed was to give myself a break this month. A breather to allow myself a chance to sweep away the stress and tiredness lingering in the corners of my life.
Once I came to this realization, I was able to be more in the moment with people I cared about. The seconds spent together became pieces of gold uncovered once the sediment was swirled away. These moments made my heart sing, as it thumped with a newfound appreciation for Life.
Which is why I decided to nudge aside all my goals, themes, and plans for April and to just live in the moment. “Metamorphosis” will make a reappearance soon, but for the rest of April, I allowed myself the opportunity to make the most of family moments. Inspired by this family-filled month, I decided that Connectivity would be my theme for May.
Oftentimes, we are so wrapped up in all the things we have to do, we forget to really pay attention to the people around us. And I mean, really pay attention. Not half-listening, as our phones brighten next to us, demanding our attentions. Not half-caring, as we nod our “mm-hmms” while mulling over our schedules for the next several days. But to really give in to the moment, as if we had all the time in the world, and this moment is all that matters.
“Gifts” is my Love Language, and over time, I have conjured up many ideas of possible handmade gifts to give to people who are dear to me. Gift ideas that got buried beneath looseleaf pages of “Things I Need to Do to Grow My Blog” and scribbled napkins of “Ways to Increase My Social Media Following.” They are all hidden somewhere underneath because they were never things that would help me grow my future business. Rather, they were things that I wanted to do for fun and from the heart.
But April made me realize that there are certain things cannot be pushed aside and left for later. We are growing up and older with each second that passes by, too fast for Wait-a-Minute’s and I’ll-Do-It-Tomorrow’s. I never want to pass up a chance to celebrate people in my life who have inspired me to create something. I especially don’t want to give up these opportunities just so I could get more “likes” and “follows.”
So for May, I’m uncovering as many of those abandoned gift ideas and turning them into little wonders in an effort to connect with dear ones.
In addition to connecting with people, I am also looking to reconnect with myself. Truth be told, I felt a little lost these past several weeks. There was a great conflict within me, a turmoil between what I was doing and what I should have been doing. I felt like a failure for not getting things done for Wondershins when I had the chance, and guilt paraded around me whenever I spent too much time on fun adventures with people I cared about. As if no fun could be allowed when there was work to do!
My path ahead seems muddied and clouded over by things that I think I should be doing. And I don’t ever want my art and creativity to feel like an obligation! If I have forgotten the reasons why art brings me joy, then I need to rediscover it and figure out what has buried the happiness.
That joy and inspiration is in there still, I know it. I can feel it. Perhaps I just can’t see it because of the brambles and weeds that grew all around and over it.
But its connection to my heart still vibrates with a desire to be found.
The images above are created with Watercolor Gold Touched Shapes by Awa Marc from Creative Market.